Originally Posted by Jack Crist (a.k.a. “The Dave Metzler of SEX”)SEX: LIVE! (07/06/2009)
Batista comes out and the fans chants, “Batista sucks!” Batista expresses his aggravation with Randy Orton, and he claims that he will have his revenge. The audience explodes when Orton comes out to confront Batista in the ring. Orton claims that Batista is a grumpy old man, and he needs to hang up his boots before his body breaks down permanently. Batista claims that his body is in better shape than he has previously claimed it was.
Batista pats his “bad” leg as he reminds Orton that looks can be deceiving. Batista boasts that he outsmarted Orton at King of Kings. In turn, Orton congratulates Batista on being deceitful. Orton’s comments offend Batista, who lunges at Orton. Orton defends himself, and he and Batista begin to brawl. The brawl spills out of the ring and continues as security guards rush to ringside. The security guards struggle to separate Orton and Batista.
Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews Christian about his relationship with CM Punk. Christian apologizes for not being there to help Punk last week. Christian does not fault Punk for quitting, and he claims that he would have done the same thing for one of his “peeps.” Christian then reveals that HBK has granted his request for a tag team match tonight against Edge & Samoa Joe. Christian promises Punk that they will be able to exact their revenge.
HBK summons Batista and Randy Orton to his office. Security guards continue to separate Batista and Orton as HBK explains his plans to restore law and order in SEX. HBK announces that there is a proper time and place to vent one’s aggression. HBK then announces that Batista and Orton will be able to vent their aggression tonight in a tag team match. HBK announces that Batista will partner with Matt Hardy and Randy Orton will partner with Jeff Hardy.
The first match of the evening features Paul London versus Gregory Helms, who are both returning to action from injuries that they suffered at King of Kings. London’s ribs are heavily taped whereas Helms clearly favors his neck. Michael Cole explains that the winner of this match will receive a title shot for the SEX Junior Heavyweight Championship at Degeneration. JBL argues that there can be no winner because both London and Helms are total losers.
London and Helms do not hold back, despite their nagging injuries. As a result, the match is absolutely fantastic. Each man has the other well scouted. London dodges a couple of Shining Wizards, and Helms dodges a Dropsault and a standing Shooting Star Press. The fans are evenly split in terms of their support. Ultimately, London counters Helm’s Reversal of Fortune with a Northern Lights Suplex. London bridges to secure the pinfall.
Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews AJ Styles about losing the SEX Junior Heavyweight Championship. Styles reveals that he is invoking his rematch clause tonight. Gregory Helms pauses as he passes. He apologizes to Styles for his recent behavior. Helms blames his competitive nature, and Styles forgives him. Helms wishes good luck to Styles in his match tonight. They both shake hands to signify that their issues are water under the bridge.
Bobby Lashley confronts HBK in his office. Lashley claims that John Cena screwed him at King of Kings and cost him the SEX Heavyweight Championship. Lashley demands retribution. HBK announces that it is Lashley’s turn to act as a special referee. HBK explains that Lashley will be the special referee in Cena’s match tonight against Brock Lesnar. HBK warns Lashley to officiate wisely, because Lashley will face the winner next week for the title.
The second match of the evening features Randy Orton & Jeff Hardy versus Batista & Matt Hardy. Orton & Jeff have better chemistry than Batista & Matt, but neither team communicates very well. Batista & Matt work together to isolate Jeff, who refuses to defend himself against Matt. Orton is forced to defend Jeff until Jeff can tag him into the match. When Jeff does, the fans explode. Orton clotheslines Batista out of the ring as the fans chant, “RKO!”
Matt attacks Orton from behind and attempts to plant him with a Twist of Fate, but Orton counters with an RKO. Jeff leaps over the top rope to prevent Batista from re-entering the ring with a modified Swanton Bomb as Orton covers Matt to secure the pinfall. Orton reluctantly shakes hands with Jeff after the match to celebrate their victory. Batista re-enters the ring after Orton & Jeff exit. He plants Matt with a Batista Bomb to vent his frustration.
Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin about their rivalry with The Miz & John Morrison. Shelley & Sabin claim that they are the best tag team in SEX, and The Miz & Morrison are jealous. Shelley & Sabin challenge The Miz & Morrison to a “Best of 3 Falls” match next week for the SEX Tag Team Championship to settle their rivalry. The Miz & Morrison interrupt the interview to mock Shelley & Sabin and accept their challenge.
A phony commercial airs for a fictitious beer company. It features Edge as himself and his fellow Canadian, Tom Green, as CM Drunk. CM Drunk awkwardly flirts with a group of seemingly underage girls at a house party. Edge appears with a couple of beers. He hands one to CM Drunk. The beer instantly transforms CM Drunk into a smooth operator. A voiceover reads the tagline for the fictitious beer company: “From total tool to totally cool!”
The third match of the evening features Brian Kendrick versus AJ Styles for the SEX Junior Heavyweight Championship. Kendrick cradles his title in his arms as he struts to the ring. He stares at his reflection in the title’s gold faceplate and cannot divert his gaze. Styles’ sights are set on the title as well, and he is clearly determined to reclaim it. The resulting match features chain wrestling and high-flying action galore. It is arguably the match of the night.
Kendrick’s reign as SEX Junior Heavyweight Champion seems to be in jeopardy, and he resorts to underhanded tactics as a result. Kendrick retrieves his title from ringside with the intent to use it against Styles, but Gregory Helms comes out to distract Kendrick and disarm him. The referee intervenes to usher Helms out of the ring. Styles plants Kendrick with the Styles Clash to secure the pinfall, but the referee is still distracted with Helms at ringside.
Kendrick delivers a low blow to Styles as Helms argues with the referee to return to the match. The referee finally returns to the match as Kendrick plants Styles with The Cause For Pause to secure the pinfall. Helms climbs back into the ring to argue with the referee on behalf of Styles after the match. Meanwhile, Kendrick collects his title and celebrates. Kendrick sings the chorus of George Thorogood’s “Bad to the Bone” as he struts back to the back.
Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews Samoa Joe about his alignment with Edge. Joe claims that he is stuck in limbo. Joe claims that he should be competing for the SEX Heavyweight Championship. Instead, he is relegated to matches against jokes like CM Punk and Christian. Edge is stuck in limbo as well, and they have struck an agreement to make an impact in SEX that will free them from this limbo. Joe promises to continue to make an impact tonight.
HBK summons Paul London to his office. HBK congratulates him on his victory. London thanks HBK and promises to win the SEX Junior Heavyweight Championship at Degeneration. HBK orders London to rest until Degeneration so that he will be as close to 100% as possible. HBK then reveals that London will have the opportunity to truly make him proud because London will battle Kendrick at Degeneration in a match that HBK made famous 15 years ago.
The fourth match of the evening features Edge & Samoa Joe versus Christian & CM Punk. Edge & Joe come out first, and then Christian comes out. Christian waits in the ring until Punk finally comes out. Punk hesitantly climbs into the ring to join Christian. Punk seems preoccupied as Christian battles Edge & Joe. Edge & Joe isolate Christian while Punk remains on the apron, watching his partner absorb the punishment with a sense of detachment.
Christian musters enough strength to battle back, and he crawls to his corner to tag Punk into the match… but Punk has abandoned Christian! Punk shuffles back to the back without looking back. Edge smiles and claps his hands as he watches Punk retreat from the ring. Christian watches Punk retreat as well. The expression on Christian’s face says it all, as Christian stands to receive a Flowin’ Samoan from Joe. Joe covers Christian to secure the pinfall.
Brock Lesnar confronts HHH in his private office. Lesnar questions HHH about his decision to name HBK as the General Manager of SEX. Lesnar claims that HBK has a poor mind for business as he complains that he should not have to defend the SEX Heavyweight Championship on a weekly basis. Lesnar claims that he should only have to defend his title on pay-per-view. HHH considers everything Lesnar says but still refuses to cancel his match tonight.
HBK summons Brian Kendrick to his office. HBK reveals that Kendrick will defend the SEX Junior Heavyweight Championship against Paul London in a ladder match at Degeneration. Kendrick smirks. Kendrick promises that his performance will be so amazing that people will no longer associate HBK’s name with the ladder match. Instead, Kendrick’s name will be the first and only name to come to mind when people think about the ladder match.
The main event features Brock Lesnar versus John Cena for the SEX Heavyweight Championship. Lesnar and Cena each hold a victory via pinfall over each other. This match will serve as their rubber match with Bobby Lashley as the special referee. Lashley makes his bias against Cena very clear throughout the match. Nevertheless, Cena defies the odds and appears to be on the verge of finally reclaiming the SEX Heavyweight Championship from Lesnar.
Cena plants Lesnar with an FU to secure the pinfall, but Lashley counts so slowly that Lesnar has time to kick out. Cena confronts Lashley about the slow count, and they argue as Lesnar recovers. Lesnar capitalizes with a School Boy Roll-Up to secure the pinfall. Lashley delivers a fast count to award the victory to Lesnar. Cena is livid. Lesnar collects his title and quickly retreats back to the back. Cena tackles Lashley, and they brawl as the show goes off-air.
QUICK RESULTS FOR SEX: LIVE! (07/06/2009):
- Paul London defeats Gregory Helms via pinfall.
- Randy Orton & Jeff Hardy defeat Batista & Matt Hardy via pinfall.
- Brian Kendrick defeats AJ Styles via pinfall.
- Edge & Samoa Joe defeats Christian & CM Punk via pinfall.
- Brock Lesnar defeats John Cena via pinfall.That's it for this episode of SEX: LIVE! I hope everyone else enjoyed the show as much as I did!