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Thread: Match Review Thread II (History Edition)

  1. #151
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    Default Re: Match Review Thread II (History Edition)

    Quote Originally Posted by KashDinero View Post
    OK, fuck it, I caved. I just HAD to watch 'zerker vs 'taker.

    WWF SUPERSTARS, APRIL 25TH, 1992.

    Bezerker out first looking every bit the real Viking. Beard to make a Wyatt weep? Check. Tunic? Check. Helmet? Check. Horns on said helmet? Check. Furry boots? Check. Solid looking shield? Check. And, yes, a fucking viking sword? Check! Yeah, this viking checks out. Only thing out of place is Fuji. Fuji and Bezerker just seem like a bit of an odd couple. Whatevs, it's Mr fucking Fuji, he can manage whoever he wants.

    Plenty of Brody immitating Huss' and a whole bunch of wild gestures and kicking at thin air every few steps comprise The Bezerkers entrance. Oh, and a bit of sword swinging for good measure. He also has no theme music. He's in the Post Powers of Pain Barbarian and Warlord category in that he's just way too much of a badass to need theme music. Also, who needs theme music when you have a sword? I'm sure there's plenty of wrestlers who would trade in their entrance theme song if they were allowed to bring a sword to the ring. Come to think of it, how many WWF/E wrestlers have actually come to the ring with an actual sword? Gotta be a short list.

    Fans pop when Undertakers legendary theme song starts. This is black hat, black trench coat, black tie and grey gloved Taker. A mad looking and highly animated Paul "Gurner of the Week" Bearer leads the way. Paul and Taker obviously compliment each other far more than Fuji and Bezerker. Taker takes a long time to get to the ring as usual. I won't lie, as a kid there was plenty of Taker air time that bored the hell out of me, his entrances were tedious back then. There have been PPV's (multiple) in th early to mid nineties that I've stayed up late to watch live where I've fallen asleep watching Takers entrance.

    Taker is in the ring finally and begins the arduous task of taking off his hat, tie and jacket. It's worth noting Bezerker still has his SWORD AND SHIELD. Taker, being the coolest man ever doesn't sell it.

    Fuj' starts the shenanigans by snatching the Urn from the referee who, in a show of gentlemanly politeness, is holding it while Paul helps Taker with his entrance gear. Taker obviously isn't a fan of this and begins to stalk down Fuji. Bezerker waits until Paul's back is turned then sneak attacks him with a solid wack upside the head with his shield. Fuji has taught him well. Mr Bearer goes fllying through the ropes which is pretty rare for Paul at this stage of his life. Bezerker then smashes an unaware Taker upside his noggin too. Yes, six foot six inch Bezerker is such a fucking ninja he managed to Pearl Harbour BOTH Paul Bearer and Undertaker. Baring in mind he had a sword and a shield, so both of them really should have been a bit more wary. Taker and Pauls carefree annoyances and Mr Fuji distracting Taker aside, Bezerker deserves the Full Metal Gear Medal of Achievement for his sneaking about (in broad daylight with a sword). Rather than take a through the ropes bump to the outside, the shield strike merely Taker drops to one knee for a second and stumbles back to his feet...

    Taker slloooooooooowly turns around and....

    BAM!

    Bezerker smashes him with his shield again. In the face.

    Taker doesn't go down.

    POW!

    One more sturdy looking strike does the trick and Taker awkwardly goes down to the mat face first.

    So, this is where things get awesome.

    As Taker is slooooooowly getting to his feet, Bezerker casually picks up his sword, and...

    OH MY GOD HE FUCKING CHOPPED HIM HALF!

    Is what I initially thought after Bezerker struck Undertaker with his sword, but it soon becomes clear that The Bezerk One is unwilling to murder the dead man just yet, so he actually only hit him with the flat of his blade.

    WHEW!

    Actually, don't relax yet.

    Taker is on his back with a possible concussion, and Bezerker still has a fucking sword in his hand. Where are the police? Surely whoever let him bring a sword to the ring knew this was a likely outcome and should have upped the security as a preventatory measure just in case shit hit the fan.

    Bezerker adjusts his grip on the sword so the blade is facing down. He clearly now has murder on his mind. After sort of writhing about on the floor, Taker stiffens up as if he is going to do his schit up schtick, he's obviously playing posoum. Sure enough, big bad Mark rolls out of the way micro seconds before Bezerker plunges the sword into his black heart. We, the viewer, know that Taker has just defied death because the sword is now sticking up out of the mat on some Excalibur shit.

    Rather than taking up the small task of pulling the blade free and continuing this medievil assault, a now seemingly discombobulated Bezerker does the old Foley circle walk then, once he comes to his senses races over to a now standing Undertaker and irish whips him. The two monster sized grapplers meet in the middle for an awkward looking shoulder to shoulder collision that rocks Taker back a bit and he stumbles towards the ropes. Bezerker takes the advantage and clotheslines Taker clean over the ropes in a cool spot. Taker lands calmly on his feet, and, oh look, lo and behold, he is only now standing right next to that no good Urn stealing Mr Fuji..

    GOOZLE!

    Fuji drops the Urn. Taker still holds onto Fujis throat.

    LOOK OUT, UNDERTAKER! BEHIND YOU!

    Once again Bezerker manages to sneak up on The Undertaker, this time with a double axehandle off the apron. Not an actual axehandle, obviously. If Bezerker had a sword AND an actual axehandle, he would be unstoppable, and Big Josh would probably sue for gimmick infringement.

    Bezerker smashes Takers head into a ring post, then another, before pulling a move right out of the angry heel rule book 101 and lifting up one of the protective blue ringside mats and it appears he is about to piledrive him on the exposed concrete.

    HOLY SHIT!

    He actually fucking did it

    Teeny bit sloppy in its execution, but, damn, Bezerker owned that boy.

    In a display of... I dunno, some sort of vikinism stuffs, The Bezerker tears off his own tunic and begins parading around in his black truks and furry boots, Hussing and heavy breathing.

    I'm not making any of this up btw.

    As Mr Fuji starts to usher Bezerker back to the lockers Paul Beare holds the urn over a prone Undertaker. Suddenly Taker sits up Taker style and sets off about stalking Bezerker down the aisle as Vinceent Kennedy McMahon Jr. goes into hyperbole mode at the announcers desk.

    One last shot of the sword still stuck in the ring mat.

    The End.

    Soooooo, that. Was. Soooooo much fun. That was like an episode of Game of Thrones or Something (like, I dunno, maybe, like, Vikings ), but in a wrestling ring with way worse actors, and a little Japanese guy with an umberlla and top hat.

    Go watch this match if you like good old fashioned wrestling fun (and swords).


    That was so good it inspired me to look around for my (far inferior) review of the same match. Here it is from November 2015.

    Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer vs. Berzerker w/ Mr. Fuji- Superstars 4/25/92

    This is the most famous incident of Berzerker's WWF career. I wasn't a Berzerker fan. He was very much the heel version of Hacksaw Jim Duggan. HUSS=HO. Same goofy facial expressions. Duggan had the thumbs up. Berzerker had that HUSS gesture of his. Berzerker also managed to somehow have an even worse finisher than Duggan. Berzerker's finish was throwing dudes out of the ring for the countout. Really. Plus I wasn't even a Fuji fan. He was my least favorite of the late 80s-early 90s Big Four managers, though he was certainly better than Whippleman & The Coach. And I thought The Berzerker was a stupid name. His original name, The Viking, was much better imo. Berzerker just sounded stupid to young me.

    So, anyway, The Berzerk One is already in the ring hussing away to his heart's content when GONG! Crowd pops big. It's cool to see. People jump out of their seats. Male & Female. Young & Old. Taker's presence immediately raises the energy level in this building. He really was The Phenom and he had been my personal favorite wrestler for the better part of a year until Flair took over the top spot at some point.

    Berzerker attacks Bearer with his shield. Fuji grabs the urn. Taker stalks the villains. Berzerker hits him with some shield shots. Now it's time for some broad sword shots to the back. Berzerker uses the flat part of his sword. Wimp. Now comes the moment which made this assault memorable. Taker is down on the canvas. Berzerker tries to stab him. Taker rolls out of the way. The sword sticks in the canvas. It's a cool visual. But we're not done yet. Berzerker's first attempted murder may have been thwarted but he isn't giving up yet. He clotheslines Taker over the top rope. Take is on the floor. The blue mat is raised. Piledriver on the exposed concrete....

    Connects! That move has like a 2% success ratio. Taker should be dead....

    But he already is! So he simply sits up like the undead warrior he is. Berzerker & Fuji get out of dodge. Oh, and Bearer got the urn back at some point. I forget how.

    Verdict- Fun, memorable segment which solidified Taker as the ultimate badass babyface in wrestling and probably should have gotten Berzerker over as a dangerous nutjob. Normally I'd be all apoplectic about a wrestler no selling the ultimate death blow of a piledriver on the exposed concrete, and I'm still not TOO happy about it, but this IS 1992 Undertaker we're talking about. He is among the handful of wrestlers who could get away with such a thing. Still would have been better if he sold it though. Well, better for The Berzerker, anyway.

    The Aftermath- This led to a series of house show matches between the two hosses over the next four months. Undertaker won all thirty-something of them. I don't think they ever had a blowoff on TV. Undertaker obviously went on to superstardom. Berzerker peaked here and would be out of the company in less than a year.

  2. #152
    Ravishing Slick Dude KashDinero's Avatar

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    Default Re: Match Review Thread II (History Edition)

    Awesome you reviewed that "match" too, @Baker. We might not both be Bezerker fans, but I'm glad we can both agree a man tried to murder a man that night. I wanna see more of their matches. I imagine 'zerker took more than a few Tombstone during that house run.

    Side note: After a brisk Google I still can't find any other wrestlers who had a sword. Mr Yamaguchi did try to chop off Vals pretend big penis that one time, Brock Lesnar has an ugly looking sword tattoo'd on his chest, and John Cena, Ryback and Sheamus were apparently called The Sword for their match against The Shield at Elimination Chamber 2013, but no one else actually brought a sword to the ring on a regular basis like The Bezerker as far as I can tell, although I haven't delved too far.... I feel like mabye Paul Birchill had at least a cutlass at some point, though.
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    Default Re: Match Review Thread II (History Edition)

    Quote Originally Posted by KashDinero View Post
    Awesome you reviewed that "match" too, @Baker. We might not both be Bezerker fans, but I'm glad we can both agree a man tried to murder a man that night. I wanna see more of their matches. I imagine 'zerker took more than a few Tombstone during that house run.

    Side note: After a brisk Google I still can't find any other wrestlers who had a sword. Mr Yamaguchi did try to chop off Vals pretend big penis that one time, Brock Lesnar has an ugly looking sword tattoo'd on his chest, and John Cena, Ryback and Sheamus were apparently called The Sword for their match against The Shield at Elimination Chamber 2013, but no one else actually brought a sword to the ring on a regular basis like The Bezerker as far as I can tell, although I haven't delved too far.... I feel like mabye Paul Birchill had at least a cutlass at some point, though.
    And thus a new project was born.....

    Didn't Tiger Jeet Singh wield a sword?

    There was also an early 2000s Midwestern indie guy whose name escapes me that did a knight gimmick. His catchphrase was "Slay the dragon!" There's at least a 50/50 chance that guy brought a sword to the ring. And sword or not, a guy doing a knight gimmick should be better known. I kind of hate myself for not remembering his name.

    Forthwith to google without tarry I doth proceed!

  4. #154
    Ravishing Slick Dude KashDinero's Avatar

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    Default Re: Match Review Thread II (History Edition)

    Quote Originally Posted by Baker View Post
    And thus a new project was born.....

    Didn't Tiger Jeet Singh wield a sword?
    Good shout. I'm pretty sure he did.

    There was also an early 2000s Midwestern indie guy whose name escapes me that did a knight gimmick. His catchphrase was "Slay the dragon!" There's at least a 50/50 chance that guy brought a sword to the ring. And sword or not, a guy doing a knight gimmick should be better known. I kind of hate myself for not remembering his name.
    What an awesome catchphrase.

    Forthwith to google without tarry I doth proceed!
    Do me proud, bro. I'm sure you'll prevail where my laziness failed me.
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