07-29-2015, 11:46 PM
WWF Heavyweight Championship Match: Yokozuna (c) vs. Bret Hart -- MSG -- New York, New York -- August 13, 1993
So I wasn't very complimentary of Yokozuna a week or two ago. Asking what his best match was (having two duds with Bret F'n Hart at Wrestlemania was almost impossible to do), and this match got brought up.
Bret Hart: "Orca, I'm coming to spear you, and I'm going to do it in Madison Square Garden."
So this a fan cam, which makes me happy. I love a fan cam in the 90s. It's like a time machine into the minds of wrestling fans as they discuss what's happening in front of them. Tonight's fans sound like a father and son, which having gone to Wrestlemania X with my dad in similar seats, in the same building, to see the same two wrestle in a main event, about one year later, is a little endearing, but I'd much prefer to hear obnoxious smarks for the entertainment value.
Finkel is explaining the rules of the cage match: "There are three ways to gain victory, and they are: If you exit the cage though the door. If you climb over the top and onto the floor. Or if you attain a pin, on your opponent, in the ring."
Fans boo. This sounds like a bullshit way for fatty to win. "It's never that way!" complains Dad.
Bret Hart comes out to a thunderous pop. Yoko comes out to a weird buzz in the crowd. The quiet entrance song, the slow walk, fans are kind of in awe of this dude.
The son, who is young enough that his voice hasn't changed yet: "You fat piece of shit! I betchya he can't even fit through the door." 10-year-old-cursing, easy laugh.
Yoko does indeed fit through the door (barely), and Bret jumps him as soon he enters the ring. Bret slowly chopping Yokozuna down with punches, Yoko almost tipping over multiple times. Bret gets impatient, and tries a cross body, but Yoko catches him, and body slams him down.
Yoko gets a head of steam, running off the ropes, to the horror of dad ("Uh, oh!"), but Bret rolls away from an elbow drop.
Bret goes back to chopping Yokozuna down with punches, and a dropkick, until Yoko finally takes a knee. The crowd erupts. Bret drops a standing elbow on the back of Yoko's head, that beaches Orca onto the mat.
First escape attempt, as Bret makes his way to the door, but Yoko grabs a hold of his boot.
Kid: "He lost his chance."
Dad: "Not yet! The match just started!"
Yoko works Bret over, dropping an elbow of his own. He then makes his first escape attempt, but Bret grabs him by the Sumo thong. Google tells me this disgusting garment is called a Mawashi.
Yoko headbutts Bret to hold him off, but it takes more of a toll on himself, with a delayed fall on his ass to the delight of the crowd. Fans really popping to the David vs. Goliath story.
Bret still selling the headbutt, makes his first climb of the cage, as the crowd crescendos. Yoko grabs Bret's boot just as he's about to climb over the top, as thousands of people yell, "OH!" at the same time.
Cage matches with escapes have gotten a bad reputation, and I get it, but mark crowds really ate them up.
"USA" chant as Yoko drags Bret down. Fuji waves the Japanese flag more than ever in defiance.
Bret rolls away from a leg drop at the last second. He then crawls to cage door, but Yoko grabs his boot as half of Bret's body hangs out of the cage.
Bret starts to chop Yoko down again with punches. Yoko wobbles back, but stays on his feet. Then a clothesline. Then another. Yoko is teasing the fall more than ever. One more clothesline, but Yoko cuts it off with an awesome Super Kick.
Dad misses the shot, because somebody stood up in front of him, so he hands the camera to somebody else.
A couple more Yoko escape attempts, but Bret keeps grabbing him by the Mawashi. Bret bangs Yoko's head on the turnbuckle, and it gets a pop like something amazing just happened.
3rd voice has emerged. Must be the new camera man. I'll call him the Cool Uncle. He sounds like every guy that has ever called into a New York sports talk radio show.
Cool Uncle: "There will be no blood."
Cool Uncle: "In the old days, there was always blood. Not anymore."
Yoko regains advantage, Irish whips Bret to the corner, but misses his butt splash. Bret goes to the second rope, and gives him a Rick Steiner bulldog.
Bret climbs again, but Mr. Fuji nails his with the flag between the bars. And an awesome Yoko legdrop.
Our fans discuss if Yokozuna loses whether Bret will face Lex at Summerslam. They come to the conclusion that this is the most likely scenario. SummerSlam is two weeks away.
Yoko gives a throat thrust to Bret in the corner where the door is. Instead of attempting an escape, Yoko goes up for a Bonzai drop, not being able to resist Bret landing in the perfect position for it. While Yoko showboats on the second rope, Bret rolls under the bottom rope, and to the door, in a cool spot. Fuji holds the door before Bret kicks it into his face, but this was just enough time for Yoko to get off the ropes, and grab Bret's leg as Bret hangs out of the cage, almost making it to the floor.
Instead of fighting Yoko's tug of Bret's leg, Bret goes with it, mounting Yoko, and and punching the shit out of him, before sprawling back to the cage door, looking for another escape.
Yoko throws Bret into the cage for the first cage to the face spot of the match. We're 11 minutes in. On the outside, WWF officials tend to Fuji, who got knocked out when Bret kicked the door open on him.
Kid: "Good match."
Cool Uncle: "Really good match."
Fuji gets carried to the back to the delight of the crowd. Things look to be finally getting fair.
Yoko with a geriatric cage escape. This is like the worst spot in a ladder match, where the guy sells a climb, but sells it a little too much. Bret stops and goes with his save, not knowing when Yoko is really going to try and escape. He then kicks the second rope into Yoko's temaris.
Yoko does another delayed fall to his ass, and then starts selling the balls hardcore. Pop of the night so far.
Bret with his second rope elbow drop. Jerry Lawler runs out.
Kid:"Shit!" The kid has a potty mouth.
And then a cage climb. Lawler sprints to the other side of the ring, distracting Bret for a split second, but allowing Yoko to grab his leg before he hops to the other side of the cage on the climb.
Yoko crotches Bret onto the top rope.
Yoko's third butt flop. No reaction. You're burning out the butt flop, nakama.
Cool Uncle: "Watch Jerry Lawler is gonna come in."
Kid: "He's not gonna come in!"
Cool Uncle: "You'll see."
Body slam by Yoko. And then a splash attempt. Bret rolls out the last second to another thunderous ovation. It's 1993, but this crowd still marking out like it's the 80s. It's pretty fantastic.
Bret blocks getting rammed into the cage by the hair, and then does so to Yoko. And then a Hart Attack style clothesline to put Yoko on his back for the first time. The crowd pops like crazy.
Kid: "What if Lex Luger comes out?"
Cool Uncle: "Anything can happen."
Lawler throws something in the ring. It looks like an urn, so it must be Fuji's ceremonial salt container.
Bret blocks Yoko's attempt to hit him with it, picks it up, and nails Yoko, but Yoko falls on to Bret's knee. Bret sells the knee.
First pinfall attempt by Bret. Lawler prevents Earl Hebner from entering the ring for a few seconds before Earl kicks his way in for the count.
This is such a near fall, 70% of the crowd stands up and starts cheering thinking they just saw Bret win the title. There's like ten seconds of confusion and the crowd harumphing.
Kid: "Did he get it?"
Cool Uncle: "I don't know."
Ten seconds later.
Cool Uncle: "No, he didn't get it."
Bret hits Yoko with the crown one more time. And hops to the cage, still not being able to put weight on his knee. Yoko is out cold. Bret begins to climb.
Bret makes it to the top, but Lawler climbs up too and throws Fuji's salt in Bret's eyes, as Bret crumbles off the top of the cage, and back into the ring.
Lawler starts hopping around, cheering for himself, and sprints to the back, thrilled with himself.
Yokozuna crawls to the door, as Bret stumbles around, blinded, trying to find Yoko. Yoko rolls through the door, and onto the floor for the win.
Dean Kilgore Grade: C
Rock solid cage match. Crowd was into every little spot. It probably is the best Bret-Yoko match.
Yoko celebrates the win, by going back into the cage, and giving Bret another Superkick (this time to the chest as his leg doesn't get high enough).
Yoko then drags Bret to the corner where the door is, and starts climbing the ropes for a Bonzai drop.
Cool Uncle: "Lex Luger is going to come out. I'll bet ya."
Actually, WWF officials start to run out, but not in time as Yoko squashes Bret with a Bonzai drop.
Yoko goes up for another, but the WWF officials are in the ring now, and drag Bret out of harm's way.
This is why nobody likes Lex Luger.
Yoko stands on the ring steps, and hoists up the gold to some major heat.
Bret gets to his feet, but needs help getting walked to the back.
The Kid is whining like a great mark.
"Bret won, though!"
Life is cruel, kid.